The World of Waining Wooney Is a World That Awaits You
Waining Wooney from Liverpuddle plays in puddles professionally for both England and Mans-chest-hair United; a team that is in fact united with a man that ironically enough has a dry sense of humour which is matched only by his desire to stand aimlessly in puddles of rain.
Wooney got the third degree at the Fahrenheit of his career when he was caught offside in a tsunami of granny punani fanny. It was a category 4 whore-ocane. He was going to be found out monsooner or later. Wooney told his Coleen its bigamy but it’s also big of you for taking me back. In a brief period he went from hero to absolute zero, despite his cool Kelvin Kleins. And a scouser’s trousers don’t protect you from showers.
Wooney noticed that people only ever talked about 2 subjects: football and the weather. Since his premiership had sailed he decided to become a weatherman. Though Wayne actually thought a weatherman was a whether man, a whether man being a person who chooses from two or more options. And Wayne likes to keep his options open.
Wooney soon became a forecaster master. He knew the only way to be one step ahead of the weather was to predict it. Whether the weather was rather wet and wild or windy and warm Wayne was always wearing a wide smile on his wittle face. But even he could not have predicted the shocking weather conditions that were to come next.
High pressure caused scattered bald patches of drizzle to sweep in around the temples of this geeza. It was the pitter pattern of baldness for Wayne. Alex The Jungle is Massive Ferguson said “Why don’t you comb over?” But Wooney said he was far too stressed to come over. He receded into a dark place.
Wayne was having a crisis of confidence and was in need of an insecurity guard. He decided to consult Robert Implant at Robert Implant Hire about the implantation of implants. The hair transplant was hard graft but Wooney adapted to the plugs like a plug adapter does. Now he frolics with his new follicles. He frolics the bollocks.
On a north westerly side story, Batman’s true identity Bruce Wayne was based on Waining Wooney’s World. The film Wayne’s World was based on Waining Wooney’s World. www dot was based on Waining Wooney’s World. Everything was based on Waining Wooney’s World. Even the moon waxes and wanes.
Each full moon Wayne becomes the mythical where-wolf. Where? You tell me. This a phenomenon where the moon causes Wayne’s hair plugs to take over his whole body from head to toe, ass to mouth, foot to balls. He gets so hairy he can’t see his own sac, which is known as a Scrotal Eclipse. It’s a scrotal eclipse of the heart.
It might sound like lunar lunacy but Wayne is a shape shifter-throwin’ shapes and shifting aul ones. He is not only a werewolf but an aware-wolf, raising awareness about general werewolfery.
So what have we learned about the world of Waining Wooney? He’s a little forward, a bit of a red divil, a real player, but he’s no fair weather friend. He’s a sheep in wolfs clothing who lives in a whirl of wonder. Its drizzling boys hallelujah! But for one boy in particular, it’s party time, it’s excellent, it’s Waining Wooney’s World.